Define embarrassing

Everyone has had a most embarrassing moment and if you're like me, you've had more than you can count. They happen when you least expect them and recovering from these moments of extreme awkwardness is everything. It can make the difference between a minor blunder and a memory that scars you (and maybe everyone around you) for life. I've never really nailed the recovery part, so I've scarred lots of people.

The best example I can think of would be from 1st grade. It was an afternoon in early February, I was sitting in my class and not feeling so great. I wasn't sure what was wrong, I just didn't feel quite right. My face started to sweat and I remember wanting to lay down. Then all of a sudden, I felt much worse. I still wasn't sure what was going on, but my stomach was doing weird things. I jumped up from my desk, asked to go to the restroom and didn't get much further. I exploded. All of my internal organs came rushing out of my face, followed by my brains and then the fish sticks that we had for hot lunch that day. It didn't stop there. Oh no. I puked not just once, not just twice, but THREE TIMES. It was some serious projectile vomit, too, but at least I didn't get it on anyone. With each hurl, the class all said "Eeeeeewwwww!" in unison. I had never thrown up before – at least not since I was old enough to remember – and I had no idea what was happening. I really thought I was dying, so I started to freak out. There was no smooth recovery from the embarrassment of throwing up in front of everybody, and freaking out topped it off nicely.

By the time my dad came to pick me up from school, I still wasn't convinced that I wasn't dying. He seemed sympathetic, although he did tell me not to puke in the car.

Then there was the time that I accidentally wore glitter on my face for half a day at work. It was during the winter and my lips get chapped a lot, so I put on chapstick each morning. One morning when I wasn't fully awake, I put on what I thought was my regular chapstick before I left for work. Later that day, I was in the restroom washing my hands before lunch when I glanced in the mirror and noticed that my lips were sparkling. Not only that, but there was a streak of glitter all down one side of my face. My mind was racing, but I couldn't figure out how in the world I ended up wearing glitter. I touched it and realized it felt like chapstick. Of course. In my half-asleep stupor I grabbed the wrong chapstick. Instead of using the generic stuff, I had slathered on my daughter's Disney Princess lip balm – the kind that has glitter. At some point, I must have touched my lips and then later rubbed the side of my face, getting glitter all over my right temple and cheek.

Then I thought about the meeting that I sat in earlier that morning for an hour. Did anyone give me weird looks? I replayed the last few hours trying to remember if anyone stared or acted differently. Nothing stood out in my mind, but I couldn't see how anybody could miss it. Then I debated whether I should act like it never happened or if I should ask people if they noticed. But how do you do that? "Hey, did you notice me wearing glitter earlier?" If my coworkers weren't already convinced that I was a freak, that would pretty much settle it in their minds.

In the end, I decided not to mention it, but to go around acting extra manly by doing macho things like scratching and talking about cars. Not sure if it worked, but I bet that before too long I can do something else just as embarrassing and no one will even remember that morning.