Last night I had another dream that has stuck in my head. Most dreams fade quickly after I wake up, but this one won't go away. To give you some background, I have a strong dislike of Hy-Vee. It's important to understand that, or much of the significance of this dream will be lost. It's not even a rational feeling of animosity. It's sort of like the feeling you get when you are about to visit a new dentist. Of course that dentist isn't going to tear your face apart and pull all your teeth out. We know this. But he could.
Loathe, detest, abhor, despise. These are words that come to mind when I try to describe how I feel about their stores. The people who work at Hy-Vee are great, and they are all professionals. Except for a few who aren't. The problem I have, is that roughly 50% of the visits I've had at a Hy-Vee (not just one location, or even in the same city) have ended badly. Once I waited in a long line with all my groceries as people ahead of me argued with the cashier. When I finally got up to the counter and all of my groceries had been rung up ("rung up" sounds very old-timey, but who cares), that's when the dude at the register decided to tell me that the debit/credit card reader was not working. And I didn't have my checkbook with me. Or $64.00 cash. No wonder everyone ahead of me was so mad. Then there was the time that the lady in the bakery refused to wait on me. I still have no idea why. She waited on everyone else, but flatly refused to wait on me. There was the time that a grocery item wouldn't ring up. Instead of figuring it out, they asked if I really needed it. Sure, I just brought that up here for kicks. I didn't really need that lunch meat. Once in January or February I went out to Hy-Vee late at night to pick up some hot chocolate for Cynthia. They didn't have any. See how horrifying this is? Anyway, about my dream:
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I had to run to the store to pick up something. I could go to Walmart, but that's twice the distance as Hy-Vee and almost as bad. In this dream, I decided to go to Hy-Vee. As I walked across the parking lot toward the store, it was sunny out, but as usual there were ominous black storm clouds above the store. ONLY above the store. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled as ghost-shaped plastic shopping bags blew past in the wind. The automatic door opened with a haunted house-like creak and I could hear a loud cackling echoing from somewhere in the store. The air was unnaturally cold when I walked in and for a second I wondered how badly we really needed another gallon of milk.
Suddenly, all of the Hy-Vee employees ran to the front of the store where I stood and sprang into song. In a carefully choreographed routine, they danced around and sang some show tune about friendly smiles and how much fun it can be to shop at Hy-Vee. It was a Hy-Vee musical! I couldn't tell if this was better or worse than my usual experience. They tap danced on the conveyor belts and even clambered up into a giant human pyramid for the finale. Colored confetti rained down from nowhere and colored lights swirled patterns across the floor.
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Then I woke up. How's that for weird? (Not the waking up part, the dream part.) Trust me, if I posted half of my dreams on here, no one would want to talk to me anymore.
