The Lights Out West

In my dream I was working in a grocery store stocking shelves when a very sharply-dressed corporate-looking woman stopped and asked me where to find some weird gluten-free something or other. Since I stocked the shelves I knew exactly where to find it, so I led her there. She was pleased that I was able to find the item so quickly and she told me that she had been there several times before and asked, but no one knew where to find it. Then she ran down a list of odd items and asked me if I could find any of them. I realized she wanted me to take her to each item and basically do her shopping for her, but I didn't really care. Once she had all the items she left and I went back to stocking the shelves.

An hour later she returned... with Kanye West. (Yup, this dream is about meeting Kanye West and being at Hy-Vee, the two things I despise most in this world.) Kanye wanted to know how I found all of those items so fast and I told him I worked there and knew where everything was. He told me that his assistant (the woman who was shopping on his behalf) had talked to the manager previously and had been told that the store didn't carry those items. I told him the manager was an idiot and didn't know anything (who cares if I get fired?). Then he asked me if I could find all of the items, plus some additional stuff that he gave me on a list. I looked the list over and told him I could do it. He glared at his assistant and dismissed her. "To remain above all and to create at this level of artistry, Kanye needs the best and nothing less," he said. (Yes, he referred to himself in the third person.) He went on at length about how his brilliant creative output and artistry required a higher quality of nourishment than the rest of the masses and he offered to pay me one million dollars if I would agree to do his grocery shopping. I agreed.

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My next dream was less interesting, but I wanted to write it down anyway. I woke up in the middle of the night and went into the bathroom and turned the light on. Or at least I flipped the switch – the light didn't come on. That's weird that all those bulbs could be burned out at once, maybe the power was out. None of the lights in the house worked, but everything else electrical worked fine. It became darker and darker in the house until I could not see anything and could only feel my way from room to room. Not a single light source anywhere, except the clock radio in the bedroom and the clock on the microwave. In the dark I began to realize that there were more rooms in my house than there were when I could see. Soon I was walking for what seemed like miles, stumbling from room to room looking for a light. Funny how watching something right before going to bed can mess with a person's head like that.

This Might Be an Adventure...

Jump!

At my new job I had to work nights, although I can't remember what it was that I did there, but I do know I carried around lots of cardboard boxes. My first night at work I realized I had forgotten my lunch, so I had nothing to eat when I took my break. There were a couple of dudes that I worked with who spoke Russian and they shared some of their food when they saw that I didn't have anything. It turns out they could speak English, too, although most of the time they spoke Russian and I had no idea what they were talking about.

From what I could make out, they were talking about a plane that they had sitting outside and they were going to go skydiving in the dark after work. It seemed the plan was that one of them would fly the plane while myself and the other dude jumped. They asked if I had ever jumped from a plane before and I said, "How do you think I got to work tonight?" They joked and thought I would scream like a girl if I jumped out of a plane, but said I would get a chance to prove myself later.

They laughed and I laughed too, and thanked them for the sandwich. I thought we were joking, but as soon as we clocked out after our shift they insisted that I follow them outside. They went back behind some trees and bushes and came out pushing a great big plane. They said they were not allowed to fly anymore after last time(?!!), so we would have to be quiet until we were ready to take off.

The other guy (who had a crazy grin and looked like Merle from The Walking Dead) who was going to be jumping threw a parachute at me and then started strapping on his own parachute, motioning for me to watch so I could put mine on. I put mine on, but when I was done, there were still a couple extra straps hanging loose from it. I held them up and asked how to put them on, but he just shrugged and climbed into the plane.

I was getting really cold feet about the whole thing and decided not to get in the plane. They were insistent and the dude with the parachute got out and grabbed onto one of the shoulder straps on my chute and started pulling me in. I decided to go along and watch, but no way was I going to jump.

The rickety old plane shuttered and shook and everything in it rattled. We taxied across the parking lot and then lifted off, brushing against tree branches as it started to climb.

It was really hot and muggy out and the side door of the plane was wide open letting in the humid air and thick exhaust. The plane circled the building where we worked as it climbed until it leveled off. We weren't very high up at all, but they said it couldn't go any higher.

The guy with the parachute stepped into the doorway and said that as soon as we jumped we would have to pull the rip cord right away since we didn't have any room to free fall. Well that was all the convincing I needed to decide that this wasn't happening for me. The guy flying the plane looked over his shoulder and saw that I wasn't going, so he turned the plane sharply to the right causing me to fall out of the doorway. I pulled the cord right away as I fell from the plane and I saw the other dude doing the same.

Our fall didn't last very long and in moments we were just clearing the trees, hoping to slow down enough before hitting the ground. He landed first and then I landed a couple seconds later and managed to stay on my feet. Right away, he began packing up the parachute and said that we had to leave before we got caught. I realized the plane was already on the ground(?!) and they were getting into their car to leave.

I drove home and found the driveway full of old broken down vans because people kept leaving their old discarded vans in our driveway every night.

There was more to this dream, but it was mostly about trying to figure out how to clear all the vans from the driveway and then a snowstorm came through while we were moving the vans.

These Are Not the Bikes You Are Looking For

I sat in the parking lot with the engine off. The hotel looked really dark and ominous and for some reason it didn't seem like I expected. No lights were on in any windows and it was night. That should be a bad sign, right? Tom Bodett at Motel 6 would not approve of this. I checked in anyway, and soon discovered that the whole place was a den of thieves. Not that they were looking to steal from me, but it seemed everyone in that place was scheming to steal from someone else.

After I had dropped off my luggage in my room, I went back down to the lobby for a minute (I don't remember why) and a bunch of cyclists in spandex were huddled on sofas wearing their helmets and plotting something. As I walked past, one of them stopped me and said that they needed a driver. That cracked me up since they all had bikes. Why do they need a driver? They insisted that they needed a driver and that they would pay me $50,000 cash to be their driver. I asked how soon they needed a ride.

They told me to back my car up to the front door of a nearby casino resort at a specific time on the following day. I would need to be there on time, not a second late and wait for them. Then, when they arrived, I would need to take off as soon as they all got in the car and drive them about 15 minutes away. Sounded like an easy way to make $50,000 to me.

The next day I sat in my car with it backed up in front of the main entrance to the casino resort. They told me to get as close as I could without blocking the door, so I had backed up the sidewalk, up the concrete steps, and was sitting right in the entryway waiting.

Suddenly, all of the cyclists appeared. They all wore ridiculous spandex outfits with blue helmets and they all furiously rode yellow bikes. They raced up the steps, threw their bikes on the ground in front of the doors, pulled out machine guns, and went charging in through the main doors.

This was not at all what I expected. That whole entrance should have been a deal-breaker, but I wanted to see what happened. I hadn't committed any crime, so no reason I would be in trouble for anything they did.

A moment later a U-Haul truck came barreling into the parking lot and right up to the entrance next to me. The cyclists all came bursting out the doors again with large duffle bags that seemed to be very heavy. One cyclist threw open my car door and tossed a bag full of money on the front seat next to me while the others opened the trunk and somehow managed to cram ALL of their bikes into the trunk AND close it. "There's your cut. Make the bikes disappear." And then they all piled into the U-Haul, the driver peeled out and they were gone.

Well that was unexpected. Now what? I pulled forward slowly and drove back down the steps. I parked the car in a parking space and sat there wondering what I should do. Just then, someone knocked on my window. It was one of the cyclists! "You don't have to take off anywhere, just don't let anyone ever find those bikes. No one saw you doing anything; you were out here in your car the whole time, so no one will be looking for you. You should go inside and grab a bite to eat. Really. The food is great here." Then he ran away.

I got out and walked to the building and just then the whole parking lot flooded with cop cars and even a helicopter was flying overhead. Everyone ran past me and into the building. I ordered a meal and discovered that the food was really good. There was a lot of commotion all around me, but no one bothered me. The cops questioned everyone except me and kept asking people if they had seen a group of cyclists on yellow bikes.

I have no idea why I did this, but I went back out to my car, grabbed a yellow bike out of the trunk and rolled it into the restaurant. I leaned it against my table and resumed eating. A cop came over and gave me a stern look. "Where did you get this bike?" he asked. "It's not mine," I said. That was good enough for him, so he walked away.

And that was the end of that dream. Weird, huh?

Never Be the Same

One of my favorite music videos from years ago.

Did you land on your feet?

Last night I had a dream that I was standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon (or someplace that looked like it) and was looking out across the rocky land from atop a very high cliff. Beyond the edge was an empty space so deep I could not see the bottom and the other side of the canyon was a blur in the distance. Even though I was so close to the edge, it didn't bother me and I wasn't afraid of falling.

Next to me was a shopping cart full of cats. One-by-one, I picked them out and tossed them into the canyon. I watched to see if they landed on their feet, but after each one fell for a minute or so, it disappeared from sight. Once the shopping cart was empty, I stood there for a long time. There was no one around and nowhere to go. I pushed the cart over the edge and walked away.

Another dream

It was winter and I was the only snowplow mechanic in town. I was also apparently the only English-speaking person in town, which was weird. The family I lived with spoke German and Polish(?) and did all the talking for me. Whenever anyone came over, they would talk and gesture toward me, but I had no idea what was going on.

In my dream, it kept snowing and snowing and the snowplows were what kept the roads open and the town functioning. Apparently being a snowplow driver was a big deal and the drivers had sort of a celebrity status in the small town. Being a snowplow mechanic was also a big deal and everyone seemed to think I was somebody. It was kinda weird, but I didn't mind all the friendly waves and nods every time I went somewhere. It was a bit like being the roadie for a rock band, except better.

Each day I went out into the cold and walked through the snow to the plow barn. I remember coming home at lunch a few times, until I finally realized that the only thing the family that I lived with ate each day was sauerkraut. JUST sauerkraut. I brought my own lunches after that. Strange all the miniscule details this dream had.

Also, I had no clue how to fix snowplows, I just wore overalls and carried a greasy toolbox.

Dreaming of a white Christmas

It was Christmas Eve and we were driving to Chicago to visit a friend who I hadn't seen in years. There was a lot of snow and the roads were a mess, so we had to drive slowly. The trip took all day and when we arrived in my friend's neighborhood, it was very late and most of the houses were dark. Right about then I realized that I probably should have told him that we were going to drop in, but I figured it probably didn't matter. Christmas Eve was the perfect time to pay a surprise visit to someone I hadn't talked to in almost 10 years. We pulled into their drive and it was so cold that everything had a bluish hue to it, including the snow. A Christmas tree was lit in the window, but the rest of the house was dark.

We knocked on the door, but no one answered. Figuring they must be asleep and couldn't hear us, all four of us began pounding loudly on the door. Rose had the great idea to ring the doorbell repeatedly, too. Finally a light came on and he opened the door. I could tell he was really surprised to see us! We came in and sat down and asked for something to eat. I remember one of us telling him that we didn't bring any presents, so we didn't expect him to give us any, either. After an hour or so of trying to make conversation, things just got too awkward and we decided not to stay the night after all. We asked him to watch the kids, then Cynthia and I went to stay at a hotel in... New York City(?!).

Once we got to the hotel and got the key card to our room, we then spent the whole night wandering the hotel trying to find the room. Early in the morning we gave up and decided to go pick up the kids and head back home. The trip just hadn't panned out the way we expected.

This morning that's about all I can remember from that dream. Also, my dream was letterboxed.

Tryptophan Street

Last night, my commute took much longer than usual. Most likely because I was wearing rollerblades and skating through traffic on I-380. It was hard to keep up and vehicles kept rushing past, nearly knocking me off the road. The sky was almost dark, but the oil well fires along the interstate provided a warm, flickering glow that helped light my way. Some of the wells burned more brightly than others, causing huge columns of fire to leap up into the sky, and creating plumes of smoke that could be seen for miles.

As I skated, I had to keep wiping the sweat and grime from my face. The heat from the fires was stifling and blackened particles floated in the smoky air. Debris from passing cars stung my forehead and every so often a rock would fly up and hit me.

Eventually, I arrived home. Of course, there was the car still sitting in the driveway where I left it that morning. How in the world did I forget to drive the car? I couldn't leave it sitting in the driveway, so I strapped on my helmet and climbed in. I backed it into the garage as carefully as I could, but that was really difficult to do with my rollerblades still strapped on. Either the garage had gotten narrower, or my driving skills had taken a nosedive, because I couldn't seem to get the car into the garage correctly. On the first try, I hit Cynthia's car and knocked over both motorcycles. The second try resulted in my car scraping violently against the side of Cynthia's car, gouging up the sheet metal on both cars and taking off lots of paint, but at least I got the car far enough in there to shut the door. I shook my head at all the destruction I had caused, but figured that with a little buffing I could get most of the scratches out and maybe no one would notice.

I tossed the rollerblades over the fence and went inside. As I walked through the kitchen, I noticed the neighbors outside digging through our trash. I opened the window and yelled at them and they scampered off and hid behind the bushes, waiting for me to go away so they could resume licking the empty pizza boxes. Weirdos.

Cynthia greeted me wearing a new headband with fuzzy bunny ears. It didn't look as nice as her old headband, but I didn't say anything. Rose and Emily were playing in the living room and Rose told me that mommy kept trying to lock them out of the house. I told her not to make mommy mad.

We sat down to the dinner table and ate popsicles. Mine was grape and tasted great. Then we skipped dessert and cleared the table. Immediately the house went dark, so we went to bed.

Note: Turkey and Ritz crackers make a good late night snack, but apparently they mess with your dreams. Must be the tryptophan.