Saturday, November 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
A sinister smile in every aisle
Last night I had another dream that has stuck in my head. Most dreams fade quickly after I wake up, but this one won't go away. To give you some background, I have a strong dislike of Hy-Vee. It's important to understand that, or much of the significance of this dream will be lost. It's not even a rational feeling of animosity. It's sort of like the feeling you get when you are about to visit a new dentist. Of course that dentist isn't going to tear your face apart and pull all your teeth out. We know this. But he could.
Loathe, detest, abhor, despise. These are words that come to mind when I try to describe how I feel about their stores. The people who work at Hy-Vee are great, and they are all professionals. Except for a few who aren't. The problem I have, is that roughly 50% of the visits I've had at a Hy-Vee (not just one location, or even in the same city) have ended badly. Once I waited in a long line with all my groceries as people ahead of me argued with the cashier. When I finally got up to the counter and all of my groceries had been rung up ("rung up" sounds very old-timey, but who cares), that's when the dude at the register decided to tell me that the debit/credit card reader was not working. And I didn't have my checkbook with me. Or $64.00 cash. No wonder everyone ahead of me was so mad. Then there was the time that the lady in the bakery refused to wait on me. I still have no idea why. She waited on everyone else, but flatly refused to wait on me. There was the time that a grocery item wouldn't ring up. Instead of figuring it out, they asked if I really needed it. Sure, I just brought that up here for kicks. I didn't really need that lunch meat. Once in January or February I went out to Hy-Vee late at night to pick up some hot chocolate for Cynthia. They didn't have any. See how horrifying this is? Anyway, about my dream:
********
I had to run to the store to pick up something. I could go to Walmart, but that's twice the distance as Hy-Vee and almost as bad. In this dream, I decided to go to Hy-Vee. As I walked across the parking lot toward the store, it was sunny out, but as usual there were ominous black storm clouds above the store. ONLY above the store. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled as ghost-shaped plastic shopping bags blew past in the wind. The automatic door opened with a haunted house-like creak and I could hear a loud cackling echoing from somewhere in the store. The air was unnaturally cold when I walked in and for a second I wondered how badly we really needed another gallon of milk.
Suddenly, all of the Hy-Vee employees ran to the front of the store where I stood and sprang into song. In a carefully choreographed routine, they danced around and sang some show tune about friendly smiles and how much fun it can be to shop at Hy-Vee. It was a Hy-Vee musical! I couldn't tell if this was better or worse than my usual experience. They tap danced on the conveyor belts and even clambered up into a giant human pyramid for the finale. Colored confetti rained down from nowhere and colored lights swirled patterns across the floor.
********
Then I woke up. How's that for weird? (Not the waking up part, the dream part.) Trust me, if I posted half of my dreams on here, no one would want to talk to me anymore.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Get up and win the race
When I was growing up, my dad had a phrase he'd use as his way of offering encouragement. When he saw someone struggling with something in their life, he would say, "Get up and win the race!" I didn't get it, especially since the situation didn't usually involve a race, but I thought it sounded inspiring and it seemed like good advice.
As I got older and I would hear him say that, I used to think it was kind of corny. I realized he was speaking metaphorically, but I still felt like I really didn't need that advice. I watched other people make their mistakes and I learned from them. There was no doubt in my mind that I was not going to make the mistakes that other people had made and I knew that I would never place myself in a position to end up needing that advice. Every time a friend or acquaintance found themselves in tough circumstances, I used to think, "Wow. There's no way I'd allow myself to get into a mess like that." If you're smart and you work hard, life is going to go your way, right? Yup, I really was that naive.
Now I'm older and I've fallen down many times (literally and figuratively) and I know that it's not always possible to control the situations life deals out. Sometimes things just go wrong and you can't do much about it. Everyone falls at some point, but to have the resolve and the persistence to get back up each time is not easy. It takes grit and determination and even that is not enough.
Hebrews 12:1–3 says, "1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." God has given us the strength to get back up each time and has set an example for us in His son, Jesus.
This race is not about coming out ahead of everyone else, but about fighting the good fight, finishing the race, and keeping the faith (2 Timothy 4). It's about getting up each time we fall and not giving up, despite what life throws at us.
As I got older and I would hear him say that, I used to think it was kind of corny. I realized he was speaking metaphorically, but I still felt like I really didn't need that advice. I watched other people make their mistakes and I learned from them. There was no doubt in my mind that I was not going to make the mistakes that other people had made and I knew that I would never place myself in a position to end up needing that advice. Every time a friend or acquaintance found themselves in tough circumstances, I used to think, "Wow. There's no way I'd allow myself to get into a mess like that." If you're smart and you work hard, life is going to go your way, right? Yup, I really was that naive.
Now I'm older and I've fallen down many times (literally and figuratively) and I know that it's not always possible to control the situations life deals out. Sometimes things just go wrong and you can't do much about it. Everyone falls at some point, but to have the resolve and the persistence to get back up each time is not easy. It takes grit and determination and even that is not enough.
Hebrews 12:1–3 says, "1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." God has given us the strength to get back up each time and has set an example for us in His son, Jesus.
This race is not about coming out ahead of everyone else, but about fighting the good fight, finishing the race, and keeping the faith (2 Timothy 4). It's about getting up each time we fall and not giving up, despite what life throws at us.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
My daughter is smart
FIRST
Stephanie wore a ponytail. The next day, the class copied her.
NEXT
She wore a ponytail on the side of her head. The class said it looked ugly, but they copied her.
THEN
Stephanie is not happy that they are copying her. She tells the class she is going to shave her head.
FINALLY
The class shaved their heads. Stephanie came to school with a ponytail.
A lesson in chronology by Rose, age 6.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Everyday
When I was 17, I was diagnosed with acute non-convoluted precursor b-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma. There were very few documented cases of this type of lymphoma and no established treatment for it. The disease was in Stage IV by the time it was diagnosed correctly. The oncologist who planned out the regimen decided to include all of the chemotherapy drugs that had been used in patients who had survived or shown some improvement from the treatment. Most cancer patients who are prescribed chemotherapy are given cycles that rotate 2 or 3 different drugs over a period of a few weeks or months. The experimental treatment that my doctor developed called for an initial blast of 9 drugs given consecutively, followed by 11 months of 6 drugs administered in cycles. It seemed that if the cancer didn't kill me, the chemo would do the job.
In 1995, chemo treatment was a little different from what it has become now. At the time, it was unknown if some of the drugs even had any effect on cancer cells, but when combined with certain other drugs they often did reduce the regions where cancer cells were found. The unofficial term for the effects of these drugs was "bleaching". They would wipe out the good and bad cells alike. One of these drugs (still in use today) is called Methotrexate. I was given a lethal dose of Methotrexate via IV over a period of several hours. Once the dose was finished, blood would be drawn every few hours around the clock to see how low my white cell count had dropped. Once it reached a critical level, a process called the "leucovorin rescue" would begin. A highly-concentrated dose of leucovorin would be administered to rapidly neutralize the Methotrexate and stop the destruction of white cells. By the end of this procedure, I had mouth sores and ulcerations, abdominal pain, nausea, shortness of breath, dizziness, and a generally not-so-great feeling. This fun process was repeated 6 times over 11 months.
You might say that's really enough for one person, but no: when I was 10, a water moccasin bit me. Aside from two puncture wounds, I was fine. A herpetologist who was a friend of my family said that maybe the snake's venom glands hadn't fully developed. Since then, I've been electrocuted, shot at, and I even ate at a White Castle once. I have a tendency to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and when things go bad, I inadvertently make them worse. If there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that I'm resilient.
These are all things that I don't like to talk about. It's tough to even put this on my blog, but I thought that maybe somehow some good can come of it. The thing that really bothers me is that when I do mention any of these hardships to someone, the response I frequently hear is something like this: "Oh wow, God must really have great plans for you." Plans that apparently include not dying anytime soon.
I've often thought (mistakenly) that the hardships and trials that God chooses for us to go through will be balanced out by some equally fantastic ministry or some great reward here on earth. So many times I've been told that God must be allowing me to go through these things to prepare me for something spectacular. Anybody who knows me can tell you that I am not too spectacular. My contributions to the world don't add up to much and are largely unseen. Does that make them less important? No.
Sometimes God allows us to go through troubles to teach humility, to strengthen our trust in Him, and to teach us that everything happens in His timing. God is not under any obligation to tell us why we go through the things that we do. Even though we may never see the good things come from the hardships we face, we have to trust that His plan for us is perfect. In a cynical, Godless society it's not easy to have a childlike faith. Everything about our faith is under scrutiny and our reasoning is constantly questioned. It's important to remember that we are just sinners saved by grace and that our reward is not here on earth. We must store up our reward in heaven and persevere through the troubles here on earth.
Here's a great verse that has always been an encouragement to me: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." – Romans 8:28
I don't know what God has planned for me or anyone else and I certainly don't pretend to have all the answers. There's a lot of ups and downs in life, but God has given us a purpose and we know that He has a reason for everything.
In 1995, chemo treatment was a little different from what it has become now. At the time, it was unknown if some of the drugs even had any effect on cancer cells, but when combined with certain other drugs they often did reduce the regions where cancer cells were found. The unofficial term for the effects of these drugs was "bleaching". They would wipe out the good and bad cells alike. One of these drugs (still in use today) is called Methotrexate. I was given a lethal dose of Methotrexate via IV over a period of several hours. Once the dose was finished, blood would be drawn every few hours around the clock to see how low my white cell count had dropped. Once it reached a critical level, a process called the "leucovorin rescue" would begin. A highly-concentrated dose of leucovorin would be administered to rapidly neutralize the Methotrexate and stop the destruction of white cells. By the end of this procedure, I had mouth sores and ulcerations, abdominal pain, nausea, shortness of breath, dizziness, and a generally not-so-great feeling. This fun process was repeated 6 times over 11 months.
You might say that's really enough for one person, but no: when I was 10, a water moccasin bit me. Aside from two puncture wounds, I was fine. A herpetologist who was a friend of my family said that maybe the snake's venom glands hadn't fully developed. Since then, I've been electrocuted, shot at, and I even ate at a White Castle once. I have a tendency to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and when things go bad, I inadvertently make them worse. If there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that I'm resilient.
These are all things that I don't like to talk about. It's tough to even put this on my blog, but I thought that maybe somehow some good can come of it. The thing that really bothers me is that when I do mention any of these hardships to someone, the response I frequently hear is something like this: "Oh wow, God must really have great plans for you." Plans that apparently include not dying anytime soon.
I've often thought (mistakenly) that the hardships and trials that God chooses for us to go through will be balanced out by some equally fantastic ministry or some great reward here on earth. So many times I've been told that God must be allowing me to go through these things to prepare me for something spectacular. Anybody who knows me can tell you that I am not too spectacular. My contributions to the world don't add up to much and are largely unseen. Does that make them less important? No.
Sometimes God allows us to go through troubles to teach humility, to strengthen our trust in Him, and to teach us that everything happens in His timing. God is not under any obligation to tell us why we go through the things that we do. Even though we may never see the good things come from the hardships we face, we have to trust that His plan for us is perfect. In a cynical, Godless society it's not easy to have a childlike faith. Everything about our faith is under scrutiny and our reasoning is constantly questioned. It's important to remember that we are just sinners saved by grace and that our reward is not here on earth. We must store up our reward in heaven and persevere through the troubles here on earth.
Here's a great verse that has always been an encouragement to me: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." – Romans 8:28
I don't know what God has planned for me or anyone else and I certainly don't pretend to have all the answers. There's a lot of ups and downs in life, but God has given us a purpose and we know that He has a reason for everything.
Friday, October 14, 2011
10/14/01
Ten years ago today, I was carrying around a ring in my pocket and waiting for just the right moment to take it out and pop the question. It was a moment that I had carefully planned out and hoped would turn out right.
Only a few months earlier I had met this girl who seemed too good to be true. Cynthia Conrad wasn't like anyone else. Besides the fact that she was beautiful, lots of fun to be around and had become my best friend, I realized that I couldn't live without her. She was a perfect match for me.
I remember being nervous about asking her the question. Luckily for me, she said yes! That was the start of an awesome life together. October 14th, 2001, was one of those days that I won't ever forget!
Only a few months earlier I had met this girl who seemed too good to be true. Cynthia Conrad wasn't like anyone else. Besides the fact that she was beautiful, lots of fun to be around and had become my best friend, I realized that I couldn't live without her. She was a perfect match for me.
I remember being nervous about asking her the question. Luckily for me, she said yes! That was the start of an awesome life together. October 14th, 2001, was one of those days that I won't ever forget!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The cicada zombie apocalypse
As I sat in a friend's backyard one night, I noticed a few blades of grass moving nearby. Taking a closer look, I discovered that it was a large cicada crawling up out of the ground. It was slowly stretching its legs and beginning to move above ground for the first time after spending many years underground. Its front legs flailed around clumsily as it tried to grasp the next blade of grass to continue its ascent upward. For a harmless bug, they sure are evil, primordial-looking things.
Some movement in the grass a foot away caught my eye and I saw a second cicada begin climbing up out of the ground. What are the odds of seeing two of them coming up out of the ground at the same time like that?! I sat back down on the lawn chair and then noticed that there was all kinds of movement throughout the yard. I started looking around and that's when I realized that the entire yard was dotted by an army of cicadas all coming up out of the ground at once! They didn't make a sound, but continued to slowly and purposefully crawl upwards, intent on reaching a destination that had taken them years of preparation.
I moved my foot and noticed one scrabbling up from the ground next to my shoe. They were everywhere! They were like hordes of prehistoric creatures that had finally begun their invasion; their vacant, staring eyes looking skyward as they crept along.
I got up and took off out of that yard. Not that I was scared of a bunch of harmless bugs, I just had better things to do. Their malevolent, staring gaze burning in my mind. I mean, what can a little bug do to a person? Swarms of them descending. They probably don't even know I'm there. Thousands of tiny, razor-sharp mandibles greedily tearing into flesh. It's not like they care about people anyway, they're just trying to reach the trees. The whir of wings. Blinding pain and screams of agony. If I leave them alone, they'll leave me alone. A silent yard littered with carcasses picked clean by the swarms. The metallic scent of blood in the air.
OK, now that's just ridiculous. But you have to admit they are creepy-looking. To me, they always signal the beginning of the end of summer. They remind me that summer won't last forever and I better make the most of it.
Some movement in the grass a foot away caught my eye and I saw a second cicada begin climbing up out of the ground. What are the odds of seeing two of them coming up out of the ground at the same time like that?! I sat back down on the lawn chair and then noticed that there was all kinds of movement throughout the yard. I started looking around and that's when I realized that the entire yard was dotted by an army of cicadas all coming up out of the ground at once! They didn't make a sound, but continued to slowly and purposefully crawl upwards, intent on reaching a destination that had taken them years of preparation.
I moved my foot and noticed one scrabbling up from the ground next to my shoe. They were everywhere! They were like hordes of prehistoric creatures that had finally begun their invasion; their vacant, staring eyes looking skyward as they crept along.
I got up and took off out of that yard. Not that I was scared of a bunch of harmless bugs, I just had better things to do. Their malevolent, staring gaze burning in my mind. I mean, what can a little bug do to a person? Swarms of them descending. They probably don't even know I'm there. Thousands of tiny, razor-sharp mandibles greedily tearing into flesh. It's not like they care about people anyway, they're just trying to reach the trees. The whir of wings. Blinding pain and screams of agony. If I leave them alone, they'll leave me alone. A silent yard littered with carcasses picked clean by the swarms. The metallic scent of blood in the air.
OK, now that's just ridiculous. But you have to admit they are creepy-looking. To me, they always signal the beginning of the end of summer. They remind me that summer won't last forever and I better make the most of it.
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